Although the Church is blaming everyone from the New York Times to Lucifer and the Jews for the latest sex abuse scandals, the Vatican is taking some baby steps towards acknowledging the systemic problem and has posted new rules for boy touching allegations online—even designing a special ‘Abuse of Minors’ button. That is progress! They’d also like you to know that celibacy isn’t the problem, it’s homosexuality’s fault. Oh and the Beatles? No longer evil!