A WikiLeaks Wedding: Bling Diplomacy, Fake Vodka

11.29.10 Marina Galperina

The most entertaining leak from the WikiLeaks latest was “A Caucasus Wedding,” a play-by-play of a wedding party in the Russian Republic of Dagestan, written like a gossip column by a wide-eyed CIA operative. There, the notorious prime minister of Chechnya, Kadyrov, danced around with a gold-plated automatic and made it rain with $100 bills.

The embarrassing part? Turns out that the father of the groom host – Russian parlaminatrian/Degastani oil tycoon – faked drinking vodka.

And you thought the embarrassing part would the fact that a sensitive political relationship between the leaders of turbulent, war-torn, insurgency-battling countries’ relies on drinking each other half to death and giving 11 pound lumps of gold as wedding presents, zzzzz.

Gadzhi was locked into his role as host. He greeted every guest personally as they entered the hall — failure to do so would cause great insult — and later moved constantly from table to table drinking toasts with everyone. The 120 toasts he estimated he drank would have killed anyone, hardened drinker or not, but Gadzhi had his Afghan waiter Khan following him around to pour his drinks from a special vodka bottle containing water.

Ha. Poseur.

Here are some more party highlights: there were local celebrities, fireworks, “jet-skiing-under-the-influence,” guests that were mostly “highly educated,” “gun-toting” and both, and:

The cooks seemed to keep whole sheep and whole cows boiling in a cauldron somewhere day and night, dumping disjointed fragments of the carcass on the tables whenever someone entered the room.

Descriptive little scribbler, isn’t he? And watch the cable author’s subtle jab at the war lord’s Kremlin’s Chechen ally Kadyrov and his manliness:

He… danced clumsily with his gold-plated automatic stuck down in the back of his jeans (a houseguest later pointed out that the gold housing eliminated any practical use of the gun, but smirked that Ramzan probably couldn’t fire it anyway).

Apparently, there were also “two scantily clad Russian women who looked far from home.” One turned to be a Moscow poetess. So, there you go, we even have a heroine in this tale. Film adaptation pending?