See Bitcoin’s largest exchange go offline after “technical issues.” See Mt.Gox locking down their physical office and fleeing. See the perpetrators of a two-year “virtual Italian Job” sabotage the spiffy, imaginary digital highways and its truckloads of Mt.Gox’s bitcoins (by exploiting the system bug that allows them to withdraw the same bitcoins multiple times.) Then, see some bitlord’s penis — which is actually a stack of bitcoins — shrink while he’s trying to take a piss. Yes. Makes total sense.
Meanwhile, Mt.Gox officially filed for bankruptcy. Founder Mark Karpelès addressed the Japanese press with a very long bow and a very short apology: “There was some weakness in the system, and the bitcoins have disappeared. I apologize for causing trouble.” After 750,000 of their customers bitcoins and an alleged 100,000 of Mt.Gox’s own went poof — more than $473 million.
This whole debacle even hit The Daily Show, with a segment that points to Mt.Gox’s “likelihood of fraud” and mocks its real name, Magic the Gathering Online Exchange. Then, a theatrically techno-phobic John Stewart gives the unregulated crypto-currency exchange some advice: “You should have institutionalized your corruption.” Like Goldman Sachs. Apparently, Goldman Sachs has Uranium. Why aren’t we invading Goldman Sachs? They have more uranium than Iraq ever did. Everything is terrible. Good night.