The art fairs are upon us! Follow ANIMAL as we stumble strategically through most of most of them. First up: SPRING/BREAK Art Show, “a curator-driven fair” at 233 Mott Street in Nolita. (March 6-9, Noon-8pm, $5). Like cutlog, SPRING/BREAK sprawls and weaves through several floors of a former school, mercifully taking away that art fair feeling of browsing a luxury Costco. To the highlights!

Jordan Eagles’ Blood Illuminations. Sheer red shadows projected through cracked, caked puddles of cow blood. They’re on these old school transparency projectors (how meta). A bit obvious, but such warm, cozy gore. Can’t hate.

Speaking of installation, viewing this Sigrid Sarda’s Rule 34: Charm feels like… a viewing. Look at that hyper realistic wax broad with her tits out, festively sprinkled with maggots. Surreal moment of the night is Sarda bending down to slide the stiff’s silk panties to the side so her human-hair fuzzed vagina is visible. And then everyone sort of stared silently for a few seconds before mustering a group chortle.

This is the debut of Michael Tharp’s Allegations (Third Rail) and the first artwork that I’ve heard of riffing off Dylan Farrow’s account of being molested by Woody Allen in a small closet-like attic with a train set. It’s a small attic-like closet with a train set.

There are also 15 projections of Woody Allen’s Oscar-nominated films running at the same time and two pillows to lay down on. It’s repulsive in concept, but when you’re forced to weigh his film legacy and the allegations, this near-recreation of a crime seen is the most uncomfortable setting for doing so.

This piece is by either Ursula Mayer, Lucas Zallmann or Konrad Wyrebek (TBD) at the alcove curated by Wills Baker and Sarah Sulistio consists of two expensive fridges with neon “psychic” signage. One contained chilled black-bound notebooks. The other, chilled vibrators. (Those are vibrators, right?) I’ll get back to you on this one.

The truly good thing?

I spent half of my time in the ex-cafeteria/bar with Joe Kay’s BHQFU performance class and their collaborative Soft Power installation/performance in a corner carpeted with popping bubble-wrap. I think I overheard that this was an exercise of inclusive practice, of incorporating all activity — not just art activity — into creating space, but honestly, I just went with it. Lucia Love played the game show host, pulled people out of the “audience” aka the beer line and plopped them into a beach chair draped with a “Life Is Great” sign. Mollie McKinley cooed through the microphone, echoing Love’s questions pulled at random from a pile — “What’s your favorite position?” — moving “some graffiti dude” to sticker their stage throne on the spot, and the “contestants” competed in flow of consciousness half-singing as Joe Kay wrote the “scores” down on the board. I’m not sure what happened but it was instinctual, full and rippling. (Photos: Marina Galperina/ANIMALNewYork)