NATIONAL:
- Alaska Republican Joe Miller and his blue ox, Babe, are suing in federal court to uphold the senate election ballot count and something something, etc. You knew this was going to happen. |Joe Miller campaign|
While President Obama met with President Calderon of Mexico to discuss how racist Arizona is and the need for comprehensive immigration reform, the First Ladies traveled to an elementary school in Maryland where they got an unexpected confession dealing with the volatile topic head on, via a second grader. Read more »
The controversial animal rights group PETA has pissed off the White House by using their unauthorized use of an image of Michelle Obama alongside Oprah, Tyra Banks and Carrie Underwood. For the record, the first lady is on record as being opposed to fur, though PETA didn’t request permission to use her in the ads, probably because the White House would have told them to go fuck themselves, as it’s not Kosher for the first lady to endorse political advocacy groups. “We did not consent to this,” said a spokeswomen for the first lady when asked for comment on the campaign. The ads are being plastered all over the Washington D.C. Metro stations. |Yahoo|
‘Abraham Obama’ Hung On White House Christmas Tree
Talk show queen Oprah Winfrey interviewed the First Family for her “Christmas at the White House” special and while touring the presidential residence, the camera panned in on a particularly eye-catching ornament adorned with the artwork of billboard liberator and Popagandist Ron English. A decoupage of his iconic “Abraham Obama” was spotted on one of the 27 Christmas trees as 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. Michelle Obama said they sent out blank ball ornaments to “nonprofits and such” where they were decorated and sent back.
Here is America’s first lady, ladies and gentlemen, entertaining a group of children on the White House lawn by spinning a Hula-Hoop around her waist 142 times. It’s sort of mesmerizing to watch. Read more »
Pam Anderson’s Admiration for Michelle Obama Does Not Sit Well With Sarah Palin’s Hairdresser
Once upon a time, during some rather prolonged, intense sexing with Jack London in Heaven, God queefed and the resulting blast of holy vaginal wind birthed the shitty Alaskan wonderland that is Wasilla, which would, not coincidentally, later give birth to America’s shining beacon of virtue, common sense and family values perfection, Sarah Palin. Now, perfection doesn’t come easily, so Sarah gets her hair did at Wasilla’s Beehive Beauty Shop, which is run by Jessica Steele, a fantastically delusional but feisty supporter of her most famous client. Read more »
Secret Service agents foiled M.I.A.’s attempt to fly a plane into First Lady Michelle Obama at the Time 100 gala in Manhattan on Tuesday. The outspoken artist and new mother reports, “There was mad secret service in the air so I didn’t get to throw a paper plane at her saying, ‘Stop the bombing of the Tamils in Sri Lanka.’” |SPIN|
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