MDPV, methylenedioxypyrovalerone, or “bath salts” is a research chemical or designer drug of the stimulant class. In the UK, they have 4-MMC or mephedrone, which is like if coke and MDMA had a baby and I could put that baby up my nose. But I’m here to talk about MDPV… for now.

Never listen to anyone who calls research chemicals safer than the stuff you can buy off the street. MDPV is absolutely habit-forming, and the side effects after a binge are severe. Take too much and you’ll be in the Psych ER soon. Enjoy the $500, 3-mile ambulance ride.

Despite sharing the same MD- group as in MDMA, it has none of MDMA’s “hug everyone” magic. It is a pure stimulant related to the amphetamines like Adderall or Dexedrine. Effects are more like cocaine’s. You’re now wide awake, very talkative and you feel goooooooooooooood. I need more gimme I’m the most charismatic man on Earth and whatnot.

However, it’s called “Diet Coke” because the come up is nowhere near cocaine’s, but in return MDPV lasts 3-5 hours and the come down is much more gentle. You feel it slowly at first. And it can be so subtle that you don’t even notice how good you feel, how much you’re smiling despite everything, and how you’ve talked her head off until 4 in the morning. If Provigil is like a good night’s sleep, MDPV is like an early night fuck in the staircase of your friend’s apartment. Afterglow hasn’t even begun to dull, but you have to go upstairs to party.

You can rail it, you can eat it, you can put it up your butt; I prefer snorting. MDPV is very sticky and will clump up. Cut it up as finely as you can. It won’t ever get as fine as anything else. It won’t burn. It will just tingle.

Pure MDPV is a white powder. Occasionally, it will have a brownish tint that’s a result of intermediates from the synthesis not being cleaned out. Average dose is 10-20mg, a very small amount. Weigh it out on a calibrated milligram scale. If you cannot trust or do not have a sensitive scale, mix in a known amount of water and then use a children’s oral syringe. Ex: Get 100ml of water, then get 500mg of MDPV. In a warm water bath stir until completely dissolved. Each milliliter of water now has 5mg of MDPV. Get the children’s oral syringe, suck up 2-4ml, and dose. Eyeballing is the last resort but on less accurate scales you can measure out a larger amount and split it up by eye.

MDPV is also sold as “bath salts” at head shops and fucking gas stations with dumb names like Cloud 9, Magic, Ivory Wave and MTV. They’re extremely impure and much more dangerous than MDPV from reputable vendors with >98% purity. The gas station bags are mixed by cretins. Someone either up in Canada or down in Florida buys several kilos from a lab in China or Eastern Europe. Then he throws in a ton of starch or even caffeine to cut it. He stirs it up and then divvies them out into each bag. Some of them have NO MDPV in them whatsoever and are instead other stimulants such as caffeine, DMAA (that stuff bodybuilders take and then they die of a heart attack), or meth.

The problem with trying to cut it this way is that MDPV sticks to itself, and all these solids have different densities. That means heavier molecules will naturally sink and lighter ones will end up on top. Pharmas usually use a $10k+ solid mixer that can get everything even. Joe Fauxblow, however, certainly does not.

That means quite a few of those packs have tiny amounts in there, so people get used to snorting a bag or two. However, there are a few bags that can be 10x or 20x more concentrated. That’s where a lot of the accidental overdoses come from.

Pure MDPV is normally obtained online, and the better places to look are where everyone calls themselves SWIM. After that, it’s a connections game. Vendors are transient, always moving, changing locations. Some demand money orders. Others take Paypal. Some only want cash. You’ll want to buy “as close” to the factory as you can. A sign of a good vendor is that they have an MSDS or Material Safety Data Sheet (woefully inaccurate) and a GC/MS analysis stating the purity, usually above 98%.

One of the nice things about MDPV is that it doesn’t have a lot of the physical effects that make it easy to spot. As a pure stimulant it has no fun tracers or walls warping, unless you’ve taken too much, so you won’t be distracted by those. You pupils will stay normal. The only overt physical sign is the fact that your heart rate and blood pressure will be up, so try not to get a physical during that time. In the US, you shouldn’t have any trouble not getting preventative health care.

Outwardly, you will be very talkative, so your excuse should be something like “I get super chatty when drunk” or “Sorry, I’ve had a Red Bull and I’m kinda wired.” Currently there are no urine tests for MDPV. There are no field tests for MDPV. The only reliable tests I’ve seen are GC/MS hair tests.

The next morning, you’ll have only slept a few hours, if at all, but you’ll feel so perky you’ll climb right over whatever you brought home and make the best walk of shame breakfast for them.

Stimulant psychosis is relatively uniform. Cocaine, Adderall, Ritalin, MDPV — they all cause hallucinations, delusions, thought disorder, but like with normal schizophrenics, most of it is self-harming behavior. But the cops shoot first and ask questions later really often w/r/t the mentally ill. Until you know how you will react to how much, ride your euphoria some place familiar with some familiar people. Talk to them. Talk to them forever.

Panic attacks, hypertension, hyperthermia, tremors, vomiting, inability to sleep, rapid breathing and afterwards, severe vasoconstriction where your extremities turn blue — I’ve seen them first hand. This happens more with mephedrone though.

Have fun; try not to die.