Most New Yorkers can hardly afford to live in crappy, amenity-free apartments, so a potential strike amongst the Building Services Employee Union won’t affect the majority of people. But those who rely on doormen and porters are screwed if a new contract is not signed by 4/20. They may even have to start living like the rest of us. What does that entail?

According to a “strike bulletin” issued by management at Manhattan’s Waterside Plaza [PDF here], “emergency procedures” will be put in place. Below is a summary of the many hardships residents will face.

1) Security guards will man the lobbies instead of doormen and residents will have to show photo ID to gain access.

2) Visitors, guests, or delivery people won’t be buzzed up, forcing residents to descend on elevators into the lobby.

3) Housekeepers and baby sitters with have to be registered with each building’s security detail.

4) Residents won’t be permitted to move in or out.

5) Resident will have to pick up their own dry cleaning.

6) There will be no extermination services.

7) Laundry rooms will remain open, but only if residents don’t make a mess of them.

8) Mail will still be delivered, but since there’s no one to accept packages, residents will have to walk several extra steps to pick up their parcels at the Leasing Office.

9) Shuttle bus service will be discontinued.

10) Like the laundry room, the pool and health club will remain open as long as no one makes a mess of it.

The horror.