Over the weekend an unsuspecting fisherman in New Jersey hooked a pacu, a disgusting fish with human-looking teeth. It’s a really fucked up fish and I hate looking at it.
The pacu is a South American fish that’s related to the piranha but instead of having razor-like teeth, it has blunt, humanoid teeth for chewing plants and nuts and snails. It’s not supposed to be hanging out in lakes in South Jersey (Swedes Lake in Delran, to be precise), so it was probably dumped there once it got too big (or too creepy) for someone’s aquarium. There have been 114 wild pacu sightings in America, mostly in warm places like Florida and Texas.
Ron Rossi, the probably emotionally scarred man who caught the fish, told Philadelphia’s ABC affiliate WPIV that he worries there are more pacu in the lake and that they’ll attack people, because apparently invasive pacu in Papua New Guinea HAVE BITTEN DUDES’ BALLS OFF. Fuck this fish, for real. I’m never going swimming in a lake again, because if a fish with human teeth bit my balls off I’d have to kill myself.