A Guy Picked Up a Girl at a Pizzeria and She Stole His Rolex

June 24, 2015 | Liam Mathews

Rollie-snatching season is in full swing, player. We warned you before. Don’t let your guard down at da club, or even at the pizza place where you go for a slice after you leave da club. Some dude learned that lesson the hard way last Friday when he met a girl at an Artichoke Pizza, brought her back to his apartment, and then woke up to find she had stolen his $35,000 Rolex Daytona, DNAinfo reports. Tough break, kid (he’s only 23). Police couldn’t say which Artichoke location they met at, but I would bet you a slice it was the one in the Meatpacking District.

This dude should have known this situation was too good to be true. When has anyone ever had a one-night stand that started in a pizza place? Lots of people will probably try to argue with me, but I don’t believe that pizza is an aphrodisiac. I have not heard of a woman ever eating a slice pizza and looking across the room and thinking to herself “I’m gonna fuck that drunk guy over there.” It’s either/or — pizza or sex. The saying says that sex and pizza are both pretty good even when they’re bad, but this young chump probably wishes he could take them both back if it meant he still had his inappropriately ballerific watch.

(Photo: Kent)