Cyborg Animals Will Terminate Us All

Ignoring the terrible Photoshop of these latest cases of Photoshop Animal Abuse, let’s instead try to examine the animal logic of this WWF “help protect the future of endangered species” campaign by some agency called “Dtoxsign” from the island nation of Maurutius. I’m all for protecting animals, but not at all costs. Does this mean if I donate, my money will fund evil scientists at a Cyberdyne Systems-like corporation? I can’t find a website for Dtoxsign—are they in fact a secret robot organization hell-bent on eliminating the human race? Will these future-parakeets still eat crackers? Will any cage hold them? Is this Friday, and am I tired and desperately trying to make sense out of this stupid angle I’ve chosen? |Images via: BestAdsOnTV|

The assignment for DM9DDB in São Paulo: sell the Brastemp BOC90, “the biggest oven ever” made by Whirlpool. The solution: kill Willy and Henrietta and stick apples in their dead mouths (click ads for closer look). Well, that certainly covers “big,” but doesn’t really convey “appetizing” so well, unless the Brazilian ad agency’s media buy niche-targeted Africa (where the endangered Hippo is eaten) and Eskimos. I already hear your whiny criticism: ‘these are over-dramatizations copyranter, stop being sooo literal.’ Two things, jerk: one, the ads are for food-related products, and making me feel queasy does not put me in the mood to cook or eat; two, here on ANIMAL, I am a protector of ad animal abuse, whether via illustrations or Photoshop. |Images: Coloribus|

Yeah, let’s get drunk and go run over some polar bears and penguins! I believe we have a new Stupidest Car Campaign Ever Created here on ANIMAL with this print work by ad agency Cayenne in Milan, Italy for the new Czech-made mini-SUV. Forgetting for the moment the Photoshop Animal Abuse, and that “Love it on the rocks” is an absolutely awful line, let’s just focus on this: is there a worse setting to place a motor vehicle product shot then IN an alcoholic drink? Click the ads and wonder about the total number of idiots who viewed and then greenlighted this campaign. |Images: AdsOfTheWorld|

Island of Dr. Moreau advertising—How original. To introduce the new Kia Forte, LA agency David & Goliath scratched their ad-heads for probably about as long as it takes a cheetah to get to full speed (three seconds) to hatch these latest examples of Photoshop Animal Abuse—the poor endangered cheetah has been digitally hacked to death repeatedly by ad hacks in efforts to sell the benefit of speed. In addition to the above Cheetel hybrid, we have the less-interesting looking Equiphant. Here’s your third ad D&G: a combo armadillo and dragonfly—safe and speedy. That should be interesting-looking. Ads scanned from recent general circulation magazines.

Movistar, a Latin American cell phone company wants Peruvians to know that—just like every other damn cell phone company in the world—your number “always survives” no matter what happens to your phone. OK. First, let’s get the obvious observation out of the way: why the fuck are bees attacking a cell phone? Was the person calling his/her (sorry) “honey?” I know I know, the ad visuals are metaphors. Stupid metaphors that don’t connect very well. And, to yet again repeat one of our favorite mantras here at ANIMAL: STOP the lazy creative practice of Photoshop animal abuse. Here’s the third ad from the campaign featuring numbers being saved from a vat of toxic waste. |Images: pixelblog|

This week, this biggest worldwide concentration of douchebags is located on the Côte d’Azur of France at the Cannes Advertising Festival. It’s our sycophantic industry’s biggest self-fellating event. But thanks to the economic downturn, plus the discovery that some winning ads from recent festivals were fakes (tres horrible!) that never ran, this year’s show has lost a bit of lustre. Still, I’ve scrolled through scores of early winning entries to find my favorite so far. As we’ve said often here on ANIMAL, we strongly condemn the rampant Photoshop abuse of animals in ads. But we couldn’t help but chuckle at these Gold Lion winners for Fiat (the panda one is precious). Not only does this campaign unexpectedly and memorably relay the low CO2 emission selling point, it also (misleadingly?) implies that little Fiats are crash-test safe. Brilliant. |Images: coloribus|

Like E sang, I like birds. Even the mouthy-ass sparrow who wakes me every morning at fucking 5:04 am. I also like dogs. Dogs like birds. Birds, understandably, don’t like dogs. Not understandable at all, is this insane campaign via DDB Istanbul for Witte Molen bird food. I initially thought the strategy was to try to get dog owners to buy birds, and then buy some of their bird food. But the copy reads: “Our newly enriched formula with millet branch. So delicious, you may see new signs of loyalty.” So, no, they’re targeting current bird owners. Or, actually, they’re insulting current bird owners by insinuating that birds are inferior pets. What I do know, is this: today’s lazy art directors need to stop relying on Photoshop Animal Abuse! FYI: crafty starlings can very accurately mimic crying babies, meowing cats, and barking dogs. |Images: adofdamonth|

Ha, the Olympus e620 FREEZES the action (click images to enlarge). My first reaction to these very literal product benefit visualizations via JWT Sydney was, ‘OK, nice layouts, ad school creativity.’ But then, second, third and fourth, and fifth thoughts popped into my head. Creative license or not, “built-in visual stabilization” sure as shit ain’t gonna come close to freezing an eagle snatching lunch (I’ve seen it happen live, and it is a fucking blur.). Also, Dog racing? Eh, the agency should have maybe not picked an activity that’s universally regarded as greyhound torture. And…haven’t I seen this exact camera ad concept before? Yes. Yes I have. Lastly? Stop Ad Animal Abuse! |Images: coloribus|