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06.04.14 Sophie Weiner

In the best news since the last cool thing the government did, the Secret Service has acquired software that can supposedly detect “false positives” on the internet, including sarcasm. The software can also do all kinds of great stuff like “sentiment analysis” and “influencer identification” and is compatible with already vulnerable web browser Internet Explorer […]

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07.13.12 David Lumb

Multimedia F.A.T. artist Kyle McDonald published “People Staring At Computers” on July 4, 2011, a staggering collection of photos surreptitiously taken by Apple Store computers he’d installed covertly with his own software. He woke up on July 8 to a search warrant presented by three Secret Service agents. They seized two computers, an iPod, a […]

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11.30.09 Cajun Boy

Worried about the safety of our nation’s leaders after two fancy douchebags managed to crash a state dinner they weren’t invited too? Well fear not Sparky, because the cerebral giants in Congress are going to investigate, which will surely fix all of the issues within the Secret Service, just like Congress fixes everything else around […]

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11.27.09 Cajun Boy

Oh hey did you hear about the couple who crashed the White House State dinner the other night? […]

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10.20.09 Cajun Boy

Threats against the life of the American president are up 400% since George W. Bush left office and was replaced by the secret Kenyan Muslim who hopes to turn the country into a communist regime. Accordingly, the Secret Service, already stretched thin by an increase in financial crimes and governmental budget cuts, is struggling to […]

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07.21.09 Bucky Turco

After a media blitz of misinformation touting the merits of torture, Dick Cheney has gone back into hiding. Is the the icy former vice president scared of an investigation probing his secret hit squad program that he ordered the CIA to lie to Congress about? Maybe. Or the soul snatching Republican could be facing actual, […]

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05.08.09 Will Sherman

Secret Service agents foiled M.I.A.’s attempt to fly a plane into First Lady Michelle Obama at the Time 100 gala in Manhattan on Tuesday. The outspoken artist and new mother reports, “There was mad secret service in the air so I didn’t get to throw a paper plane at her saying, ‘Stop the bombing of […]

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