The Secret Service Can Detect Sarcasm Online, Wow, Cool

June 4, 2014 | Sophie Weiner

In the best news since the last cool thing the government did, the Secret Service has acquired software that can supposedly detect “false positives” on the internet, including sarcasm. The software can also do all kinds of great stuff like “sentiment analysis” and “influencer identification” and is compatible with already vulnerable web browser Internet Explorer 8, wow.

Does this mean the Secret Service is monitoring social networks at all times to see what’s trending, like some kind of non-consensual governmental Klout just like Homeland Security does? Probably. It’s not clear what the federal agency is going to use the software for (“detecting threats?”), but I’m sure it will end well for everyone.