These Russian Graves Have Swag

January 2, 2013 | Marina Galperina

“In Russia, graves are ridiculous!” I swear, if I see anyone reposting these and writing that, I will personally smack them. I will find them IRL and smack them. And so. Not all Russian graves have swag, but when they do…

A certain Russian blogger has recently rehashed these marvels. He presents them as opulent post-mortem totems to the “bourgeoisie of Russia and their henchmen.” I’m guessing something a bit more specific, as the style of the marble etchings are reminiscent of that often seen in the cemeteries of Yekaterinburg, Russia’s crime capital of the 1990’s where many mob gents were burried, with style.

Not to mention that the portraits look like Hollywood-cast ’90s gangsters — the dangly jewelry, the open collars, the ’90s cellphones splayed out on the table (these are very realistic, detailed portraits, you guys), the particular leather jacket fashions, kinging towering stances and faces of contentment, often with a detailed etching of a city landmark in the background. As in, I ran that city b and then I died.

Ooh, I rather like the one with the determined fist gripping the prison bars. And the one with the Mercedes? Total swag. Very art. Flip through the slideshow to find some very special ones at the end. I can’t tell if they’re pets or anonymous cronies, but in death, they’re called simply “Tooth,” “Dollar” and “Chief.” Minimalist perfection.

If you want to make a parallel between Russia’s bourgeoisie and its criminal class, go ahead. I’m already probably blacklisted. It’s on you.