No, You Can’t Drunkenly Attack People in the Street and Call It “Performance Art”

January 4, 2013 | Marina Galperina

A 25-year-old woman just used this season’s trending excuse for causing a scene in the middle of a busy highway in Hallandale Beach, Florida (of course.) Why was Arlene Mena tossing traffic cones at a random driver, spitting into his face and scaring the kids in his back seat? “Performance art.” But of course.

See, Ms. Mena was attempting to direct traffic outside her condo. “She looked like a very drunk person,” her 49-year-hold victim explains.

Before settling on “performance art” as her motive, Ms. Mena proposed that (1) she’s on a television show and everything is being recorded on camera, (2) she’s a federal agent, (3) she’s friends with the mayor and everyone is in trouble. Then, (4) art. Anyway, she has been charged with battery and criminal mischief.

After “the performance,” she was tackled, which sucks and she was excessively mocked by the judge because she was wearing hot-pants, which also sucks. What doesn’t suck is that even this drunk Truman Show-sick pretend federal agent has heard of performance art and is raising art-awareness! Well, sort of…I’M NOT DOING THIS AGAIN, INTERNET. Eh.