Space Sex Will Probably Kill You

March 14, 2013 | Julia Dawidowicz

It looks like your erotic space fantasies won’t make it beyond your sticky Star Wars sheets in the morning — at least not if you care about your health. A new study shows that interstellar intercourse could actually be life-threatening.

Researchers studying plant cells found that gravity changes can seriously harm living cells. As if that weren’t enough to kill the mood, they also found that the biological processes involved in zero-gravity sex could lead to a number of fatal illnesses, from brain and reproductive diseases to cancer. This kinda puts a damper on the future of space tourism, especially for intrepid porn stars and adventure-seeking couples like this one, who called dibs on the first Virgin Galactic honeymoon.

At least there’s still that impregnating facehugger thing from Alien for ladies who find themselves overcome with maternal urges while in space — ’cause alien babies are better than none at all, right?