The Cicadas Are Coming!!!

April 8, 2013 | Julia Dawidowicz

They’re coming…

After a seventeen year dormancy period, the rare cicada “Brood II” will descend upon the East Coast in legions. Brood II cicadas — AKA locusts, AKA Satan’s pets — are set to hatch any day now. They will swarm our towns and cities, clumsily falling out of trees and into our hair and being generally heinous, from mid-April to late May. And they have only one goal: Getting laid.

To be fair, this is basically what all species live for, evolutionarily speaking. But the mating call of the Brood II is said to be louder than that of an approaching NYC subway. So while they’re not actually harmful to humans (or trees), it wouldn’t hurt to go out and buy some earplugs.

Prepare yourself. Shit’s about to get biblical.