Tylenol Can Cure Your Crippling Fear of Mortality

April 18, 2013 | Julia Dawidowicz

Modern solutions for an existential crisis range from cognitive psychotherapy to the Church of Scientology to leaving your family to join a polyamorous commune that specializes in human poop fertilization. But now there’s a cheaper, less drastic treatment for that crushing awareness of your impending death — and it’s probably sitting in your medicine cabinet.

A recent study published in Psychological Science indicates that Acetominophen, the active ingredient in Tylenol, can significantly alleviate anxiety brought on by a fear of death. Hangover? Toothache? A deeply incapacitating sense of insignificance? ADIOS, SUCKAS.

“Pain exists in many forms, including the distress that people feel when exposed to thoughts of existential uncertainty and death,” wrote Daniel Randles in Psychological Science. “Our study suggests these anxieties may be processed as ‘pain’ by the brain–but Tylenol seems to inhibit the signal telling the brain that something is wrong.”

Previous research has found that Tylenol can also help treat the psychological pain of being separated from loved ones. Good to know, in case you’ve already finalized the divorce papers and joined that weird hippie poop commune.