Soon, Blowing .05% May Land You a DUI

May 15, 2013 | Julia Dawidowicz

The National Transportation Safety Board is determined to change the legal drunk driving limit from .08 to .05 percent. After decades of research, they’ve finally realized that if I drink 2 shots of tequila and a Tecate in an hour (supposedly amounting to .077 percent), it’s possible that I might not be safest, most capable navigator of a highway-speeding death machine. Those sly, clever bastards.

Currently, all 50 states consider .08% minimum BAC for issuing a DUI. While the Transportation Safety Board doesn’t have regulatory authority over the matter, they have some power to influence lawmakers. The restaurant industry is already freaking out about it. “Moving from 0.08 to 0.05 would criminalize perfectly responsible behavior,” said Sarah Longwell of the American Beverage Institute, calling the board’s recommendation “ludicrous.”

If this is the average American’s horrible nightmare, it’s the average  New Yorker’s dull, inconsequential daydream. Oh, New York, land of endless traffic jams, madman taxi drivers, impossible parking and ridiculous tolls, I knew our day would come. MTA WHAT WHAT!