Amazing Russian Bear Is Amazing,
Sad as Hell

May 30, 2013 | Marina Galperina

In this YouTube clip from Russia, a grizzly bear tumbles through the grass, hula hoops, plays the trumpet while dancing and appears to be gesturing obscenely while sitting in a chair at around 2:00.

Isn’t this bear amazing? Isn’t this bear impressive? Wow. That’s really amazingly impressive. *Insert joke about all that jet fuel they’ve been huffing giving them magical powers of physical dexterity and grace without seeming insensitive to my Motherland’s myriad of socioeconomic issues here.*

The best part about this clip is that it happens outdoors and not inside a circus because circuses are evil. A bleeding heart, am I? Watch this other clip: Russian circus trainers hanging monkeys off chains and beating them severely until they learn to mimic minor human gestures as to amuse your sniveling spawn in exchange for maybe, food, sometimes.

Surely, our amazing Russian bear didn’t just pick up his trumpeting skills from his forrest friends. I’m just going to pretend that Pavel broke the amazing Russian bear out of the evil circus and now they live together in the forrest with his forrest friends AND EVERYTHING IS FINE.