Russian Meteorite to Blame for War in Syria, Says Russian Meteorite Cult Leader

September 17, 2013 | Marina Galperina

That 10-ton meteorite that crashed into a lake in Chelyabinsk at 30,000 mph is still at the bottom of that lake until September 25th, when it will be removed for scientific purposes… unless founder of the Church of the Chelyabinsk Meteorite Andrei Breivichko can stop it.

Breivichko says that the “celestial body” should only be removed by the “psychic priests” from his church, seen on this Russian tabloid website praying by the lake and gathering it’s psychic-energy infused water. He says that mishandling the meteorite will throw the world off its balance and is already causing the Civil War in Syria.

The meteorite contains “data about the universe and a code of moral and legal guidelines that would help mankind at a new stage of development of spiritual knowledge,” Breivichko says. Also, he totally looks like he’s fucking with all of us.

Paging John Stewart. Get at this. Shout out dashcams.

(Image: LifeNew.ru)