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NYPD Launced CSI Investigation Over Empty Beers In Stationhouse


The NYPD’s latest big internal investigation was not sparked by some unwarranted stop-and-frisk, or the bloodying of an 84-year-old man, but a couple of empty beer cans found in a stationhouse. Alcohol is banned on police property under a rule instituted by former commissioner, so when a captain found four empty Budweisers in the dormitory of the 47th Precinct, the department launched a full probe.

After interviews with detectives at the precinct, the forensics team was brought in to dust for fingerprints (cop’s prints are kept on file at the precinct, but not, alas, their DNA). Apparently, the case has gone as cold as a frost-brewed Coors Light™.

The detectives aren’t happy. Said Michael Palladino, president of their union: the union does not encourage alcohol consumption, however, treating four empty beer cans in the garbage like it was the Dirty 30 caper is excessive and a waste of precious time and resources.”

(Photo: Matt Watson)