He Who Smelt It Dealt It: Noxious-Toxic Cloud Envelops Moscow

November 11, 2014 | Rhett Jones

On Monday, reports of a horrible smell permeating the whole city of Moscow began popping up on social media. The Emergency Ministries Spokesman was compelled to make a statement and he said it was basically no big deal, “The smell of hydrogen sulfide is not dangerous.” What’s that? Hydrogen sulfide? Moscow’s top toxicologist concurred, “The appearance of smell is more unpleasant than dangerous.”

Well, that was all bullshit. Now a toxic cloud has covered much of the city, after the foreboding smell warned people of what was coming. According to Vestnik Kavkaza, who is monitoring the cloud, hydrogen sulphide exceeded the maximum safe levels by 3 times at 4 PM before reaching more normal levels at 6 PM. At its highest, reports say the levels reached between six and seven times the recommended amount for air quality.

Residents have reported nausea, headaches, dizziness and irritation of the eyes. Moscow has released a statement urging people to stay indoors.

There have been conflicting reports on what exactly has caused this massive environmental hazard. The same Emergency Ministry that said it’s not dangerous says that a sulfur dioxide processing facility at an oil refinery in Moscow had an accident. That refinery says that’s not true and that the air quality levels at the refinery are normal. Was it a fart from the manly bowels of Vladimir Putin? Nope, he’s in China hitting on their First Lady, like a boss. (Photo: Анна Кашуба)