An old man wearing a full New York Knicks sweatsuit was terrorizing straphangers on the subway with a gigantic dildo last weekend.
Here’s the story, according to ANIMAL’s Aymann Ismail, who witnessed this around 9 PM on Saturday night aboard a Flatbush Avenue-bound 2 train: An older man of indeterminate ethnic origin boarded the train at Atlantic Avenue; the man seemed “fucked up on some kind of drug,” loose-limbed and sloppy. Some young men sitting next to him began making fun of him. One of the dudes took out his phone to snap a selfie with the older guy. At that point, the old man reached into his bag and pulled out a massive dildo.
An anonymous sex toy industry expert ANIMAL consulted estimated that it was between 14-16″ long.
The young guys and other people nearby ran away, laughing. The man then started waving the big black dong around, pointing it at people and pretending to jerk it off. The man also kept standing up and clenching his butt cheeks.
Then he really got into it: Every time the train pulled into a station, he’d put the dildo away, sit quietly, let people board, then whip it out and wave it around, startling the new passengers.
When Ismail got off at Church Avenue, the man was still at it.
Ismail said he didn’t seem threatening and wasn’t targeting women, but not everyone thought he was amusing, as the photos show. The woman sitting next to him didn’t look at him or acknowledge him and got off at her stop like there hadn’t been a seemingly intoxicated man in a Knicks sweatsuit waggling an enormous dildo in her face for the past 5 minutes.
Self-defense expert and retired New York State cop Steve Kardian said that the woman’s lack of response is an example of the best course of action to take when someone is sticking a dildo in one’s face. “I would encourage people to have little to no reaction, because that’s the first thing he’s seeking to do,” Kardian told ANIMAL. “If he doesn’t get any input from his actions, he’s likely to walk away.”
If a reaction is necessary, Kardian said, actions to take would be to “put your hands up over your face and yell as loudly as you can, ‘back off!’ or ‘I don’t want any trouble.'”
“You can push it out of the way and knock it out of his hand, but you don’t know his mindset,” he added.
Kardian said that the man could be arrested for harassment and disorderly conduct, but that’s probably not necessary. “He was probably just an assclown, being stupid,” Kardian said.
The sex toy industry insider ANIMAL spoke to wasn’t able to identify the make and model of the dildo, and in fact had questions about its anatomical dimensions and its “splotchy” appearance. “It honestly doesn’t look like any dildo I’ve ever seen,” she said.
If you have any more information about the Dildo Terrorist, please email tips@animalnewyork.com
(Photos: Aymann Ismail/ANIMAL New York)
