I Refuse To Respect This $50 Black Truffle Personal Pizza

April 10, 2015 | Liam Mathews

Neapolitan Express is a pizzeria that opened on Wednesday in the Trump Building (of course) on Wall Street (double of course). In addition to acceptable pizzas in the $8-16 range, Neapolitan Express also has a $50 black truffle-covered personal pizza, which is disrespectful to the concept of pizza and shouldn’t be allowed. I do not recognize this pizza’s right to exist, and don’t think Neapolitan Express should participate in the culture that valorizes Wall Street. Wall Street deserves to be dismantled, not feted with fancy pizza.

This illegitimate pizza, according to DNAInfo is called “Il Toro di Wall Street” (“The Bull of Wall Street”) and “will include an entire freshly shaved Urbani black truffle, imported from Italy, over a truffle-infused creamy burrata.” This pizza is less Neapolitan and more Roman. This is pizza for Caligula. This is the King Joffrey of pizzas.

Pizza is a food for the people. Pizza was invented as “disgusting” Neapolitan street food for poor dockworkers in the 1700s. Despite the proliferation of high-end pizza places like Roberta’s, pizza is still a workingman’s food. There are more dollar slice places than the bike messenger who reviews dollar slice places can keep up with. There’s such a demand for cheap pizza that people waited in line for hours when Lombardi’s was selling pies for a nickel.

This culture that allows Wall Street to not only earn and spend so much money but revel in it is evil. Wall Street is literally destroying the country and no one can stop them. This pizza is a symbol and a symptom of that moral degeneracy. And for that reason, I refuse to accept this pizza. This pizza can fuck right off.

(Photo: LocalBozo.com)