Guy Uses Classic “It’s My Cousin’s” Excuse When Caught With Stolen Citi Bike

April 28, 2015 | Liam Mathews

Maybe you have a cousin who’s a bad influence and gets you in trouble. Maybe you are that cousin to someone else. In any case, every family has a troublemaker, and that cousin is convenient scapegoat when you get caught. A guy in the Bronx used that excuse when he got caught 5 miles away from the nearest Citi Bike station the day after it was rented (they’re generally only intended to be used in 45-minute increments), DNAinfo reports. He told police he was borrowing it from his cousin, because apparently his cousin owns a Citi Bike.

“It’s my cousin’s,” he said, according to the criminal complaint. “He got it from 59th Street.”

Typical. I bet this dude’s cousin is like “I can’t believe it, you threw me under the bus again! This is just like when grandma caught you eating raw cookie dough and you told her you were getting it for me!”

Sidenote: it’s fucked up that there are no Citi Bike stations in the Bronx. That’s not fair and they need to fix it. Citi Bike is expanding into Harlem, Queens, and more of Brooklyn through 2017, but currently there are no public plans to put stations in the northernmost borough. Welcome 2 the Bronx says this is racist.

(Photo: NYC DOT)