Southern Staten Island Is the Perfect Place for A Sonic

May 29, 2015 | Liam Mathews

Sonic, the suburban fast food drive-in chain, announced its first location in New York City on Wednesday, an expansion for which junk food enthusiasts have been clamoring for years. The catch: it’s going to be located at 148 Page Avenue on the southern end of Staten Island. Staten Island residents are excited, but Manhattan-centric media outlets are cranky, according to Staten Island Live. Eater complained that it’s all the way the hell out on Staten Island, and Gothamist said “Sonic finally comes to NYC…on the South shore of Staten Island.”

This is fine. Southern Staten Island is one of the two places in New York a Sonic would make sense (the other would be eastern Queens). Southern Staten Island is the least New York City-like place in New York City. It’s the suburbs. It’s practically an extension of New Jersey. It’s a place for cars. Sonic is a drive-in. You park in one of its weird parking spots and servers bring you tater tots and slushies. That’s the Sonic experience. Sonic shouldn’t have to change its whole business model just to appease New Yorkers who think they’re special.

This Sonic will not be for New York City. It’s for Staten Island and New Jersey, which are not New York City. They are the suburbs. I know Staten Island is part of New York City, but don’t quibble about technicalities with me. You and I both know that Staten Island is culturally not New York City. So it’s good that New York City won’t really have a Sonic. New York City shouldn’t be the suburbs. Sonic isn’t even that good! You want tater tots, go to Crif Dogs.

(Photo: Mike Mozart)