Another Giant Dick Enters Presidential Race

June 11, 2015 | Liam Mathews

David Livingston, the artist best known for wearing various giant fake penises to places like the New Museum and New York State Supreme Court, announced on Wednesday that he’s running for President of the United States of America.

Livingston currently serves as Alderman of New Haven, Connecticut’s fictional 31st ward. He’s now using momentum from that victory to mount a campaign for the nation’s highest office.

“One day, while I was grilling hot dogs, I thought, ‘I know how much I love America, and I know how much Americans’ inner minds are hurting.’ In that moment, I knew I had to run,” Alderman Livingston said in a statement.

In terms of qualifications, he “has the classic good looks of an all-American star quarterback, and he speaks with a warm, deep, and authoritative tone,” according to the statement. Plus, after already being seen in public many times carrying a big fake dick, he has “nothing to hide.”

An unscientific ANIMAL poll places him just ahead of Marco Rubio.

(Photo: Dan Nguyen)