Hilarious Bath Salts PSA
From the Navy

January 3, 2013 | Marina Galperina

“It’s not a fad… it’s a NIGHTMARE.” And it has dubstep. DUBSTEP!!!!!!!

Dear Navy. Thank you very much for creating this very dramatic music video, about the dangers of said “bath salts.” It doesn’t mention any real particular specifics, but it is very ominous-like. Anyway, “bath salts.” You will eat a person’s face! Only not really. But you will freak out your demon friends, punch out your demon girlfriend and end up in an emergency room surrounded by military medical personel.

Alright. Don’t put things in your nose, veins, mouth and butt if you don’t know their contents, quantity and quality, you moron. You will feel terrible and it’s bad for your health and other terrible things. You may also end up with something this soft-spoken Navy-dude calls “excited delirium” — which is not really a medical condition that can result in death. I mean, it can result in death as ACLU points out, but it’s usually from… blunt force trauma. See, they “have to call”  it “schizophrenic” symptoms — even though that’s not by definition a fact — because the person is “acting very weird” and thinking that “people are trying to kill them.”

Popping up in 1985 as the drug wars ramped up, the so-called “excited delirium” diagnosis is undefined stimulant psychosis, pegged with “resistance to pain” and “superhuman strength,” excusing excessive force. Unlike classic toxicity and fatal arrhythmia resulting from stimulant overdose, “excited delirium” is seen cited when the police crush/choke/shoot/beat someone to death. Delirium is a well-known side effect of most stimulants, but it rarely causes death on its own.

Which could happen from a shit ton of caffeine, but yes, it is more likely to happen from mysterious powders your dumb ass decided to double-dose on and get all erratic and shit and irritate the police.

Oh man, this isn’t very hilarious at all I’m afraid. Except for this part: Can someone tell this gentleman that “jack up your career… mind… and body” is confusing rhetoric?