Grading the Potential Long Island Otter Pup Names

March 18, 2013 | Samer Kalaf

Four North American river otter pups, three male and one female, were recently born at the Long Island Aquarium to parents named Peanut Butter and Jelly. Awww. Now, the aquarium wants the public’s help to give monikers to the little pups. Unlike previous naming contests, there is a selected group of names to pick from. Suggestions like “Quvenzhané” or “Otterbro” will be ignored, apparently. So, let’s judge the quality of the potential otter pup names.

Cayenne: Good for an otter pup with a very lively personality. Maybe one that bites the other pups a lot.

Nutella: No. Awful.

Butter: Save this one for the chunkiest pup. A name fitting for a fat baby animal.

Jam: Good for the female pup, since her mom’s name is Jelly, and it would be cute and alliterative.

Fluff: Another fat name. Why does the aquarium want to stick these otters with fat names? Was “Lard” too obvious of a choice?

Sage: Zzzzz.

Paprika: Trying too hard.

Rye: Simple, and rye bread is delicious. Great suggestion.

Basil: Nondescript. Give it to the most boring one.

Tank: Definitely for the most healthy otter, although not sure how it fits in with all the other food-themed possibilities. Best choice overall.

(Photo: Michelle Bender/Flickr)