If You’re Going to Be a Lonely Sadsack, at Least Smoke Some Weed

May 16, 2013 | Andy Cush

I know, I know. You’re depressed. Its’s an oppressive, overwhelming, dehumanizing world out there. You’re single, your “friends” are all assholes, the summer sun feels like some cruelly ironic wink at the coldness inside your soul. But there’s good news: Weed is a thing! (And so are dabs, for that matter)

A study published in Social Psychological and Personality Science shows that the effects of cannabis “[dampen] the negative emotional consequences of social exclusion on negative emotional outcomes.” Incidentally, researchers found that acetaminophen, AKA Tylenol, had similar loneliness-abating effects.

The scientists, from University of Kentucky, looked at data from surveys of thousands of terrible, lonely assholes with no redeeming qualities like you, and found that those who smoke “reported being lonely had higher levels of self-worth and mental health than non-marijuana users who reported being lonely,” according to Raw Story.

“Marijuana has been used to treat physical pain, and the current findings suggest that it may also reduce emotional pain,” the researchers concluded. “This may reflect a poor way of coping with social pain, but it may also explain some of the widespread appeal of marijuana.”