I Don’t Want My MTV or Why You’re an Asshole for Watching the VMAs

August 25, 2013 | Bucky Turco

MTV sucks. This is indisputable. The network that first made a name for itself by playing music videos in the early 80s, is now a global producer of content for mindless tweens and adult voyeurs bordering on retardation. It’s universally accepted that MTV is no longer looked to as an arbiter of musical talent and instead has become a cesspool of shitty programming that churns out turds such as Real World and Teen Mom, among MANY others.

Long gone are the days when bands or rappers would use the platform to premiere exclusive videos. Let’s not forget that just recently, Jay Z debuted “Piacasso Baby” on HBO, not MTV. That’s because MTV no longer makes any meaningful contributions to culture, pop or otherwise.

Despite this, many of you will be watching your MTV tonight for their equally irrelevant Video Music Awards show. Is a 60-foot tall bootleg of the “Moonman” by KAWS really that impressive? Does the promise of an *NSYNC reunion actually move you enough to switch the channel from the latest episode of Breaking Bad to whatever numerical designation MTV is on the cable box nowadays?

Sure, logging onto Twitter and Facebook to send a barrage of snarky updates has become a social media tradition when it comes to the Golden Globes or the Oscars. And that’s kind of understandable. At least these institutions stay true to their stripes and offer accolades to the pompous, over-the-top, star-studded industry they’ve been catering to for decades. But I can’t fathom what impetus there is to offer an awards show from MTV for music that same attention. Imagine what it would be like if Fox News started handing out awards for journalism. Would anyone care who won what?

If MTV wants to give out little statues, it should be based on their area of expertise: scripted reality shows for a barely pubescent demographic with the mentality of a handball. Yet somehow, the annual spectacle known as the VMAs will still generates millions of eyeballs and countless water cooler discussions online and in print.

The only question is… why?