Brooklyn Artist Ballin’

April 17, 2014 | Marina Galperina

A styrofoam pussy was looking at me the entire time I ate interesting little vegetables. It was padded with some styrofoam butt and strapped to a marble pedestal. There was a row of butts by artist Adam Parker Smith down the length of the table. This was the first Brooklyn Artist Ball at the Brooklyn Museum I’ve ever been invited to. It had nice butts.

First, there is a dinner for the wealthy New York residents who had donated between $1,000 and $50,000 to the museum. Then, there were some projections, slinky slideshows and speeches about the benevolence of the attendees and rounds of applause. One would imagine such affairs to be stuffy, self-congratulatory and opulent, but it was actually kind of subtle and quiet. The wealthy people were betting on art via Artsy, socializing inside some one-night-only pop up installations (a candy-lined hallway, glitchy 3D portrait booth, etc) and were donating a [relative] shit ton of money to what is generally dubbed “the arts.” There was nothing to get Gonzo or investigative about, but I took some photos for you!

Each long table in the grand hall was decorated by a different artist. It was clear, however, that Olek outdid everyone, hiring a performer to read cards (or play Solitaire?) silently, while wearing a crocheted mask that a long, bent, phallic nose. There were crocheted skulls and bunnies and penises lining the table in piles, all over the rainbow crochet tablecloth. Then, there was a donor dance party that only cost $90 (as opposed to the $1,000 minimum for le dinner, unless you were the invited press, hollaaaaa).

Le1f performed, and as always, Le1f was awesome. Here is a full list of art people who I actually recognized to be in attendance: Paddy Johnson, Swoon, Olek, Chuck Close, Jeffrey Deitch, Paul Outlaw, Jennifer Catron, Ghost of a Dream and Slava. I might have to get my game up. Shout out to the Brooklyn Museum and to that one bartender who went really, really, really easy on the ginger in my free vodka ginger! (Photos: Marina Galperina/ANIMALNewYork)