Tim Cook’s Blatant Gayness Prompts Russia To Tear Down iPhone Statue

November 3, 2014 | Amy K. Nelson

Since January 2013, the Russian people had celebrated the technological wonder that is the iPhone by erecting a statue of the device outside of a St. Petersburg university. But following Friday’s announcement by Apple CEO Tim Cook that he is gay, the statue has been torn down.

The ZEFS corporation was responsible for putting up the interactive installation as memorial to former CEO Steve Jobs — who, as a straight man, was perfectly okay to memorialize, I guess. However, the corporation now condemns it as a symbol of sodomy.

Sadly, in Russia, this is nothing new. Maxim Dogopolov, head of ZEFS and clearly a man of progressive thought, explained his reasoning:

When it’s clear that iPhones are more dangerous than cigarettes or drugs, when in addition to its technology this brand becomes a symbol for sodomistic sin, reasonable people in the world will start rejecting Apple products en masse.

Cool story, bro.

(Photo: Wikipedia)