Nine Rookie Cops Graduate Academy, Get Wasted, Get Fired

November 7, 2014 | Rhett Jones

In a remarkable demonstration that God does exist and He is kind, nine freshly-graduated police cadets were fired for being assholes. Specifically, they all got wasted right after their graduation ceremony, caused a ruckus, and were fired (before anyone put a gun in their hand and gave them a license to kill).

According to sources, dozens of new officers went straight to the Texas Arizona Bar and Grill in Hoboken after receiving their cop diplomas. In addition to the power they were already drunk on, they proceeded to pound back shots. After getting thoroughly plastered, some jumped behind the bar and started pouring their own beers, despite protests from the establishment.

When asked to take it down a notch, a few did what they’d always dreamed of doing: They pulled out their badge and proclaimed themselves to be invincible, HaHaHa. Then they grabbed a woman “inappropriately” and trashed the bathroom.

That’s when the Hoboken police were called to come get their newly minted colleagues. The revelers proved to be so out of control that Hobo-Cops had to call the Port Authority Police Department in for backup.

It would stand to reason that if your job is to “uphold the law” and your boss comes in to tell you to stop breaking the law, you would do so. But these guys were renegades and tonight was their night, so they remained “drunkenly defiant.”

When the cold reality returned and the celebration was over, the new cops were asked to turn over their cellphones to investigators. One or two incriminating selfies later, and nine cops are no longer above the law, while six others are facing disciplinary action.

Now how often does the problem of an idiot cop get taken care of so quickly? Amen.

(Photo: Diana Robinson)