If a man approaches you on the street and says, “Wanna buy a Cornish Game Hen?” and opens his trench coat to reveal raw poultry and steak dangling from the lining, don’t buy it, because that meat is hot!
A bandit gourmand broke into three delivery trucks in Midtown on February 26th and 27th, DNAinfo reports, and stole more than $4,000 worth of Cornish Game Hens — which is like chicken but smaller — beef tenderloin and seafood. Hopefully, he took it straight to a refrigerator, because that shit goes bad quickly.
What did this beef burglar do with all this high-end food? Did he hold it for ransom? Did he sell it directly to restaurants for a lower price? Did he distribute it to those in need, like Robin Hood with a Michelin guide? Did he eat it himself, Tarrare-style? We have so many questions!
If your local bodega had Kumamoto oysters last week, they were probably contraband and you should call Crime Stoppers at 1-800-577-TIPS (8477).