Pacific Rim (2013)

BBBOOOOOOOOOOOMMM. Glurgh glurgh GLURGH GLURGH GLURGH GROOOOARGH!!!! Big monster, ugly. Much city fall down. CRASH. KABLOW, KAKAKABLOW. More, bigger monsters destroy questionable futuristic metropolises. Giant robots and shit, with people inside. Dramatic score. DRAMTIC-ER SCORE!!! BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM. Yey.

SCIENCE: 1.5 out of 5

An inter-dimensional asshole rips open at the bottom of the ocean and starts shooting out deformed SUPER-Godzillas at an exponentially increasing rate. Giant robots + big bombs + pseudo-physics = I’m not going to tell you how it ends. It makes no sense. It looks REALLY fucking cool though.

ECCENTRIC DIRECTOR FACTOR: 4 out of 5

Guillermo del Toro is good and weird because [Wiki paraphrased] and [Criterion website plagiarized] as well as [unrelated cinema reference deliberately too obscure to be called out as bullshit by the general audience of this publication]. Transformers-type movie NOT like Transformers. Look at what a very good film critic I am.

OVERALL EXPERIENCE: 4.5 out of 5

tbh I only agreed to see it because I was going to get laid like for sure and then SURPRISE it was really good.

 

 

Minimalist review: Marina Galperina
Minimalist graphics: Nate Cepis
More: All Minimalist Film Reviews