So, there’s this much-hyped clinical Facebook app Bang With Friendsright? Its premise is direct enough — select the friends you want to bang and if they click you back… bang bang! 20,000 users signed up just in the first week. 1,000 have hooked-up, allegedly. (HOW DO THEY KNOW?)

One of the founders explains:

One night, we were shooting the shit about how online dating is broken. What a lot of people want is just to skip all the shit and get to the sex.

“Shit” not being, presumably, dating and other cordial exchanges of courtship like verbal communication — some people are into that kind of stuff — but… say…. posting something like “suppp bb doin n e thing tonite ;) ;) :d89?!!!!!” repeatedly on someone’s wall. In which case, sure, this solution appears practical enough… but… what if it went HORRIBLY WRONG?

Here are three ways it could go horribly wrong.

(1) You click “bang” on a particular individual, but the fancy passes, as fancies do. But you forget you clicked “bang.” And there you are, standing by the office coffee maker, a vision of professionalism and poise. And there they go. “Sup, baby. Doin’ anything tonight?” Womp.

(2) Riding an inspired whim of Bohemian excess, you decide to click “bang” ON EVERYONE. But you forget. Etc. Etc. Etc. Wompitty womp womp womp.

(3) This app is actually a perfectly-executed Orwellian conspiracy and upon coinciding with another’s “bang” click you are forthwith legally obligated to mate or the government is going to assist. DO IT.