NSA Spyware Names As Band Names

January 2, 2014 | ANIMAL

NSA’s ANT division — specializing in inserting itself into the global security architecture so they can spy on you through your iPhone microphone, etc — has a catalogue! The names of these end-user devices and software are funky. They sound like band names, almost. If they were band names, would would they sound like?

EBSR: Post-dubstep, dark brainy dance music
IRATEMONK: Like early Red Hot Chili Peppers — bad rap/funk rock with lots of slap bass
SWAP: Riffy post-hardcore
WATERWITCH: Stoner doom metal
SOMBERKNAVE: Sounds like Waterwitch but not as good
DROPOUTJEEP: Seattle grunge
CANDYGRAM: Suburban happy hardcore
SURLYSPAWN: Nu metal, obviously
JUNIORMINT: Japanese girl rock
PHOTOANGLO: American Echo and the Bunnymen rip-off
COTTONMONTH-II: Weed-obsessed white rap duo
TOTEGHOSTLY 2.0: Minimal witch house
GINSU: Black Metal from Oklahoma
TAWDRYYARD: Happy british dance pop, like Chumbawumba or Cornershop
STUCCOMONTANA: Folk-influenced string quartet
NIGHTSTAND: A failed supergroup of Ted Nugent, Richie Sambora and Tommy Lee

See also: the awesome, terrifying logos of America’s spy satellite missions. Very creative.