Christian Haunted House DAREs You Not To Do Drugs

October 14, 2014 | Peter Yeh

It’s October! Time to buy Halloween shit and bitch about Christmas sales being too early, and what better than a Christian haunted house thing to scare you away from drugs, courtesy of the Nicholson Christian Church’s Drug House Odyssey in Cincinnati. Watch this “trailer” featuring a soundtrack of a generic brand video, that concludes with not enough unnecessary dubstep.

Get ready to be scared away from drugs by an interactive play where you experience a car crash, or exciting shootout. It shows the peculiar nature of the modern Christian to co-opt the persecution of over a millenia ago despite the fact they’re the dominant religion now. Yeah, let’s graffiti, throw leaflets from the rooftops, let’s lead a march with a red flag!

Also LOL at quoting the Book of Job, a book dedicated to God giving Satan permission to torment a good man so he can win a bet. Job’s friends believe God is just, and therefore Job must have sinned, except Job knows he’s innocent, despite the sufferings, so he concludes God is unjust. God then appears, confirms that Job is right; God is unknowable and Job is innocent. Then God proves he’s an economist by giving Job new children and more property and expect him to be happy. So the lesson is to obey God regardless and fuck you for daring to presume you know better.

Odyssey runs Oct 22 – Oct 24. Hurry down, heavens. (Photo: Drug House Odyssey)