Foul Conductor Keeps Dumping Pee Out the Train Window

May 4, 2015 | Liam Mathews

The New York Post reports that there is at least one train-conducting degenerate splattering bottles of piss all over the N-train tracks at Astoria Boulevard on some “some men just want to watch the world burn“-type shit. Working on a tip from fed-up motormen who have had enough of their colleague treating the tracks as his toilet, the Post visited the station.

The paper’s photographer took a bunch of disgusting photos of Tropicana bottles full of yellow liquid in the exact spot where the conductor’s window sits when the train stops, and even snapped this menace mid-pour, proving that not only is he throwing sealed bottles out the window, he’s also pouring it out for his homies. Not his dead homies, but his homies on the street underneath the elevated tracks, who are getting some dude’s pee drizzled on their heads (that hasn’t been reported as happening, but if it hasn’t yet, it’s only a matter of time).

According to the Post, the Astoria Boulevard station has a working bathroom for MTA employees to use, as does the next stop at Ditmars Boulevard, which is either the last or first stop depending on which direction the train is heading. So let me reiterate: This garbage monster is choosing to publicly dispose of his bodily fluids moments before or after he had access to a toilet and a 15-minute break in which to use it. Truly antisocial, in the personality-disorder sense of the word.

I feel like the Transit Union should get involved in this. The MTA sources say this has been going on for at least five years, and they haven’t been able to stop it. The union is the only thing that can put a stop to this. And they’ll defend any kind of indefensible behavior, but this really has to cross a line, right? No one can justifiably “this guy is within his rights to litter and throw piss all over the goddamn train tracks like a filthy animal. You don’t know what it’s like to be a train conductor and have to hold it for an hour and 15 minutes.” He should have his pension docked every time he puts his dick in a bottle while on duty. But he’ll probably continue to get away with it for another 5 years, since people can pee inside the train with impunity while the guy trying to avoid the stream gets ticketed. An MTA spokesman said that the bottles would be removed “as soon as possible” after the Post alerted them to the Howard Hughes-style collection.
“This conduct is inappropriate but we will refrain from commenting further until we investigate further,” the spokesman said.

There are so many possible solutions to this problem. If there’s more than one guy, maybe the MTA should just take the N train out of service until these miscreants knock it off, like an angry dad on a road trip. If it’s just one motherfucker, maybe he can use the bathroom when he has a break or hold it like a human being with responsibilities who lives in a society with standards of health and norms of conduct. Or maybe he could stop drinking so much juice while he’s driving the train. Just a thought!

(Photo: The All-Nite Images)