Phenazepam or “da joose” is a benzodiazepine drug that expresses the 5 typical benzo actions: sedative, hypnotic, anxiolytic, anticonvulsant and muscle relaxant. In other words — chill out, go to bed, stop worrying, stop seizing and stop twitching.

Phenazepam is just as dangerous as any other CNS depressant and is habit forming. Mixing it with other depressants is incredibly risky and is a frequent cause of death. Withdrawal symptoms can include insomnia, nightmares, tremor and in severe cases, seizures and death. Unlike heroin withdrawal which just asks you to kill yourself, phenazepam withdrawal is polite enough to save you the trouble and kills you outright.

Phenazepam is the devil. It is the deceiver, the morning star, the slipperiest of slopes, the sweetest of tongues and it is the longest of embraces. Like all the bad choices that I’ve dated, phenazepam hails from the Soviet Union. The problem comes from phenazepam’s combination of low dosages, long come-up time, cheap pricing, and extremely long half-life. Average dose is a milligram or less. It can take 1-4 hours before you start to feel phenazepam’s action. Each dose can cost only the price of a Genny at a dive ($2) and the half-life of phenazepam is from 1 to 3 days. It takes normally 5 to 7 half-lives for a drug to be eliminated from your body. If you do phenazepam, you’re set, possibly for days.

Other similar benzos, often seen with your mom next to her glass of wine — Xanax, Valium, and Klonopin — can exert many of these effects. However, compared to phenazepam they’re expensive and require a prescription. The effects are similar to being drunk but without the body load. A profound calmness and easy-going nature will drape over you as you start to feel it. The tenseness that has built up in your muscles fades away. All that anxiety you had about talking to others becomes forgotten. The jitteriness from all the caffeine you need to drink stops, and finally when you want sleep, you can slip into one that makes the office couch feel like silk.

Sure, drinking can bring all of these things but ethanol has a distinct heavy feeling, combined with significant nausea and expense. What’s cheaper — 5 shots of vodka, or 3mL of phenazepam? At higher doses the muscle relaxant effect becomes more apparent along with lack of coordination. Limbs will become hilarious to move. High enough you will black out, for days. You’ll do it on Tuesday morning and “come-to” Friday evening and go from smiley to “OH FUCK WHERE AM I.” Memories will be fuzzy at best.

You’ll get back off phenazepam and have a million angry voicemails from your friends that you were dicks to. You’ll have vague memories of squirting it into the mouths of street urchins and letting them loose. You’ll be missing a lot of condoms ’cause you were fucking everything and — this is no joke — you may have bought several grand pianos on the internet. Do you know how hard it is to return a grand piano? They make you pay for the shipping back!

Like all benzos, snorting phenazepam is useless. Xanax, Ativan, all the -pams and -lams have no bioavailibility when insufflated. Eating it or using it sublingually — holding under your tongue until it’s all gone — is best. Phenazepam is a fine white crystalline powder with a neutral taste.

Phenazepam is dosed in the submilligram range with 0.5mg being a low dose and 2mg being a high dose. You cannot eyeball at this range. 0.5mg is less than what would stick to a match head if you dipped it. Liquid dosing is best. However phenazepam will not dissolve in water nor will it dissolve in room temperature alcohol. It will dissolve in propylene glycol (PG), which you can get at any pharmacy. You may have to ask for it at the counter, if they ask why, say it’s for your cigar humidor and you don’t like the stuff they put into other shit. Propylene glycol is a harmless additive found anywhere where they need something to stay moist. It’s a slightly off-clear liquid that’s a bit viscous and faintly sweet. Alternatively, you can use ethanol.

DO NOT USE DENATURED ALCOHOL, METHYLATED SPIRITS, WOOD ALCOHOL, METHANOL or anything except neutral grain spirits meant for drinking. The other ones are cheaper because drinking them will blind you.

High proof neutral grain alcohol, 80% or 160 proof and up, will accept phenazepam if heated and stirred vigorously. I shouldn’t have to tell you that putting extremely strong alcohol by a fire or direct heat source is stupid. Do a warm water bath. Get a Pyrex or otherwise heat resistant glass container to hold your alcohol and phenazepam in. Get a small saucepan and fill it with enough water to submerge at least half the glass container. Now put the saucepan to heat but take it out before it boils. Give it a few minutes to cool and transfer the pot to your working area. TURN OFF ALL FLAME OR DIRECT HEAT SOURCES. Put your Pyrex container filled with your Everclear and phenazepam inside and begin stirring. This may take several minutes but you must ensure that you see no particles left over. If the water cools too much you may have to reheat the saucepan, REMEMBER TO TAKE THE ALCOHOL MIXTURE OUT FIRST. Again, use a children’s oral syringe to dose.

Phenazepam can also be found in the form of “pellets” or even “air freshener” at head shops. The “air freshners” are labeled as “Zannies”. The pellets are often reliable but I have no idea how you’re supposed to eat air freshener. If anyone knows, contact me so I can berate you for not just buying it online. Unlike MDPV or mephedrone which may fall under the Federal Analog Act for being a chemical cousin of a banned or restricted Schedule I or II drug, all benzos are Schedule IV drugs which are not covered, and it is not explicitly banned unless you’re in the UK, Louisiana or Arkansas.

Because benzos all have similar effects to alcohol you can blame everything on being drunk. Ethanol was once used to treat all those conditions until we realized there are alternatives dangerous in other exciting ways that we can make money on, by pressing into colorful pills. Keep the dosages low and quite literally wait for days before redosing until you know how you react. Stay with friends you trust to keep you in control when wasted. Do not mix with any other depressants unless you want to Jimi Hendrix yourself.

Have fun; try not to die.