Features

We'd never turn the dial to catch American Gladiator, macho brain dead TV that viewed alongside gay Entertainment Tonight would doubtless induce an instant video lobotomy. But when in Hollywood the novelty of catching a show live is ever in your face so we shaped up at the down-on-its-heels LA Sports Arena to fill a seat at the taping of this new version of 'Gladiators' that airs tonight.

We marveled as teachers, cops, paramedics and other true heroes of our society baited with the carrot of fame and some chump change were held to ridicule. Squeezed into silly mascot superhero costumes they wrestled on a giant, soft pyramid and after one show we had enough. But our bid to bail was thwarted by a show of force. Seems we had entered Thunderdome, there was no leaving and so endured the taping of five entire shows. And that's how we cought some segments during taping that have a snowballs chance in hell of airing but would make great reality TV.

Entrance to The Oaks and site of proposed Pitt guard tower.

Down at Los Angeles City Hall they'll be voting on parking permits for a tiny parcel of Hollywood. Who give's a rat's ass you say, when the nation is spiraling into hell? Well in this smallest of city planning actions ANIMAL has uncovered a class war with Brad Pitt and his seemingly perpetually enceinte partner at the epicenter.

Spurred by the reappearance of Pitt, Jolie and progeny (how many, where they bought them, what they're named now that's what we don't give a rat's ass about) in the neighborhood some of Pitt's affluent Hollywood Hills homeowner neighbors have petitioned the city to restrict parking around their gated community. But renters in an adjacent boho enclave—a bastion of affordable apartments down the hill from the mansions that includes a stretch of shops and restaurants—are outraged, labeling the power move "the Brad Pitt initiative."

May is bike month and how better to celebrate than to highlight outdoor velodromes from across the Unites States. For those not in the know, a velodrome is an oval bike track where some of the fastest evens in cycling are held. They usually feature steep banking and sport two 180-degree circular bends connected by two straights. Olympic regulation velodromes measure 250 meters but outdoor ones tend to come in a variety of sizes. These tracks are where fixed gears aka track bikes were meant to be ridden. Sure it's fun to ride a track bike with no brakes on the streets through traffic, but there's nothing like the feeling of spinning out or jockeying for inches in a tightly packed peloton.

Websites have been an integral way for presidential candidates to raise money and get their word out. Thirteen candidates have dropped out since the '08 race for president began. The power of the web has changed the election game altogether and has also brought up some new issues, like once they’re officially out of the running are there ethical obligations that politicians should undertake online? Should they, like blogs, update their sites with a final farewell or just shutter them forever? They certainly shouldn’t be accepting donations—unless they’re trying to pay off campaign debt and those terms are clearly spelled out.

Apparently Rudy Giuliani and John Edwards don't think so. Out of all the failed candidates, those two are still accepting donations for their run for president—technically Dodd and Richardson are taking donations, but to pay off bills. Rudy took us for a buck, Edwards demanded five. How do they get away with this? You might think only a moron would be clueless enough to contribute to a busted campaign, but like that Nigerian banker, Rudy's trying.

Scope Mouthwash Cool Peppermint - 1 Lt, $4.68

Last time Judith demonstrated how models eat while maintaining their figures. Now Tsuba shows how to keep that dirty mouth clean and those teeth pearly white.

Photographer: Mikael Vojinovic Model: Tsuba

"Can the United States be any more Communistic?" barks the burly man rockin' a Rutgers cap outside a Hollywood post office. This is independent filmmaker Luis Moro. He's been called everything from a fucking bastard Communist to a global hero and he is crazy angry. Moro shot a feature film in Cuba without Castro's approval, without U.S government approval, and he just learned he can't mail his Cuban cousin a package of socks. "I finally did what no one else has done, what no one could do. And the government, well they're stumped. In Hollywood they say 'you did what?'"

Quaker Old Fashioned Oats - 18oz canister, Calories 150, $2.79/ea

Who says models don't like to eat? Judith happily consumes some carbo-laced breakfast classics, sending the right message to the kids about the most important meal of the day. Bon Appétit!

Photographer: Mikael Vojinovic Model: Judith

Move over Chelsea, Meghan is in the house. The hot blond, 23-year-old Scorpio, is a graduate of Columbia with a degree in Arts History and has been blogging about her dad, presidential fossil hopeful John McCain, since October 1st of last year on her website: McCain Blogette. She provides an intimate look into life on the campaign trail, publishing behind the scenes photos and goings ons of her 71-year-old pops. Although it's not easy to get excited about old man McCain, his daughter is a whole other story, and she just might be the sexiest thing to emerge from this race—besides Obama Girl. And since it's hard to pin down just one quality about the bubbly buttercup, ANIMAL compiled a gallery of reasons—big and small—that qualifies her as the PDILF.