On the 19th of July, one male gecko and four female geckos set out to become the first geckos to have an orgy in space. After a month and a half in orbit, their satellite returned to Earth. All five astronaut-reptiles were mummified.
The space geckos came to the attention of the world when Russian mission control lost contact with their satellite on July 25th. After three days of tense waiting, control was reestablished and hopes were high that the lizards would return home with much to teach humanity about whether “microgravity had an effect on fertility and egg structure.” Speaking with Russian wire service Interfax, a scientific commission source said:
According to the preliminary information, it became clear the Geckos froze. Most likely, this happened due to a failure of the equipment meant to ensure the temperature of the box with the animals.
Due to the geckos’ mummified state, scientists don’t believe they’ll be able to determine at what point they died exactly, but Wired notes that the lizards were “reportedly unable to carry out their mission.” It will also be difficult to establish whether anyone even got laid, or if the male gecko had space performance anxiety. But good news! The insects abroad the same spacecraft “feel fine.”
